R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
