they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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