we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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