I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
