I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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