Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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