There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
