I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
