I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
