If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
