addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
