I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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