eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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