so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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