He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
