I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
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I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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