Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
