How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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