They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
