It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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