I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
