dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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