You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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