I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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