dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
