I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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