I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
