I wanna bring you to show and tell
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
