I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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