he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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