Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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