There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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