I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
