Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
