Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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