i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
