Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
