In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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