Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I did not marry a roomba.
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