You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
