Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
