Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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