I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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