i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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