ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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