ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
