Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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