you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
