Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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