She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
