I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
