Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
