My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
