Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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