too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
