it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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