shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
