we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
