I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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