i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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