you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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