i would punch a child for taco bell
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
