I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
