go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
